Thursday, May 22, 2008
Tuesday afternoon I went to Hannah's school for a 2nd grade musical program, with Olivia in tow. I took this picture of the two of them. I was disappointed to see that picture came out blurry, but it's darling. To me any way.
The puppy. We still have him. And I know some of you must be thinking I'm going to bite myself in the butt with this one. We've discussed puppies with the children. I know they, of course, want one of their own, but there is just no way. No way at all. We already have 1 indoor cat, 2 outdoor cats, and 1 dog. No.More.Pets.Period. Tempting as it is.... puppies AND kittens grow up to be their full grown counter parts. I certainly don't want another full grown animal.
But, because it's fun to show off this little wonder, here's a clip of Hannah and the ball of sweetness. At least he was a ball of sweetness until the CRAPED on my kitchen floor yesterday morning.
Want to know one of my greatest pet peeves when in comes to my journey of healing? My GREATEST pet peeve is when, in ignorance, some one tells me to "get over" the abuse, abandonment, and molestation of my childhood. I also think it is exceptionally funny when individuals think it's possible for me to NEVER again , feel sorrow or anger, over past circumstances.
I have no idea where I am going with this. But, really. I REFUSE to get over, forget, brush under the rug circumstances that lead me to where I am today. I don't intend to "forget" much of what my childhood was. I REMEMBER as a REMINDER of who I want to be NOW. Who I want to be as a woman, as a wife, as a mother. REMEMBERING ensures I am doing the very best that I can to be whole and healed.
Refusing to forget, is different then refusing to move forward. I don't use my life as an excuse to be less then who I know I can be. I don't use it as a "get-out-of-jail-free-card". I use it as a tool to become my best self. Some days I feel sorrow, some days I feel anger and many, MANY days I feel nothing at all. Neutral-ness, with the underlying frustration that I feel like "getting it right" some days, it all together too hard. Too hard, but REALLY worth it. I think it's my right to chose what my path should be. It's my right to chose what to remember and what to forget. It's my right to chose what to get over, and my right to chose what to let live on. What I chose is happiness, safely, power, strength, love, courage, and intelligence. I chose to have the smarts to get myself to where I need to be. Alone, if I have to.