Friday, May 30, 2008

BullsEYE

Here we are at the last day of school, and I am so thrilled to have my babes home for the summer. We can all let our hair down and enjoy days with little scheduling and loads of fun.

At each year end for Hannah, and now for Ian, I've always felt sad on this day. I cry went they dance at their dance party for the parents, and I cry when the kids cry because they'll miss their buds from school.

I hated the last day of school. Truly hated it. Mainly because I knew I was going to cooped up for days in my bedroom. My bedroom had pink flowered wallpaper and pink tie-back curtains in it. I shared with my sister. My brother had his own room. If I recall correctly, it was blue. We weren't allowed to play outside. We couldn't talk on the phone or watch tv. We didn't have toys. No radio. All we got was a weekly trip to the library, which has now created in me a hate for reading. I read a novel a day, some times more. We also went to church every Sunday, imagine that. My parents were the church type. I hated the feeling of being home with my parents. We stayed out of their way, which was easy because we were not allowed out of our rooms. We just tried to stay quiet, stay unnoticed. The alternative wasn't pretty. I hated being around my mother, the cold hardened woman she was, and still is. It was an indescribable prison. I was so thrilled when my parents decided to ship us off for the summers at Camp Fair Haven in Maine. I didn't miss them at all. Not even a little. None, nada, zip. I loved being a way from them. For those three months I was able to grow into myself. I was able to discover myself, with out darkness looming just behind me.

For years I hated what summers meant for us. Truly hated it.

And although I know my children love being home for the summer, my heart aches when their's does. I know what it's like to miss friends. And although I know they'll be happy the second we get home, I still feel like that little girl myself, feeling like I'm going to be missing the better part of my life for the next three months.

For the sake of snapping myself back to reality, I have a dance party to attend, pictures to take, ice cream to dish out. Today is about the kids, not my inner one, and we plan to have a blast. All of us do. The adult me, the child me, and my 3 beautiful children. Today, things are going to be ok.

13 comments:

Amy said...

What a beautiful post! Nobody inspires me to find joy in the little things like you do. Your example has taught me to embrace the small, daily triumphs of motherhood in a way I never did before. I am going to take your advice, and have a dance party, and sit in our blow-up pool in the backyard with my Avalon so we can spash each other!

Are You Serious! said...

#&9825; I think it's wonderful what you do for your kids; the small memorable things that they'll always remember!!! :)

linda said...

Yes, things are going to be ok and it's going to be a fun-filled, happy summer for YOU and for your little ones!

99% is our frame of mind...and you my adorable friend, have your mindset going in the right direction...headed for continued happiness in your life. Yay for you!!

kathyann said...

Have a great summer with your gorgeous children,looking forward to all the photo's you will be taking of all the many things you will be getting up to!Have fun fun fun!!!!!
I also agree with all the above comments!you are one cool mum!!
Love from Kathy and the girls

Danielle-lee said...

Oh, I always loved summer. I miss that feeling I would get when I would wake up each morning and realize 'IT'S SUMMER!' and each day seemed to have so much potential.
I'm sorry your summers weren't like that. :(

Marie said...

(((hugs))) It all sounds so very horrible. Thank goodness you can now enjoy all the joys of the end of the school year with your own kids now and the sadness of not seeing your friends all summer. The first thing I would do when I got home was always . . . play "School"! Yes, all the leftover notebooks and papers and pencils got a real good workout on the last day of school. I was always the teacher, of course! (just oen of the benefits of being the eldest child and all that!)

Cheri said...

Way to go Misty! Keep creating a new cycle.

Lindsey said...

Sending you a big ole hug! I hope this summer is extra fun and extra special.

Mandi said...

There you go again - amazing me!!! I hope one day your children realise how blessed they are to have you as their mom, I know the past is hard, but you are using that pain to ensure that your own children have a magical childhood, that is SOMETHING!!! You always make me look at what I do, or should I say dont do and tell myself to get a grip because I had a tough childhood, but nothing, NOTHING compared to others and I should remind myself how blessed I am - your posts help me to do that - THANKYOU!!!!

Have a wonderful week my friend, and I will email you soon.

Luv Mandi....xxx

Laski said...

You must love this new world . . . filled with so much wonderfulness!!!

This . . . "We just tried to stay quiet, stay unnoticed"--NO MORE!!!

NO MORE, I say!

Enjoy those sweet pieces of perfection!

Holly said...

My boys are out on Wednesday. And, to be honest, I'm not looking forward to this summer as much. Gas costs and everything else will limit our ability to go and do. I know they'll be fine at home, as they have friends in the neighborhood, but that means I will have lots of extra kids too. Sigh. I'm not feeling like a good mom right now!!

Cecily R said...

I love that you are taking such a bad memory for you and making such wonderful ones for your kids as a result. What lucky kids you have!!

Ashley said...

I still don't have any kids in school, and won't this up coming year either. I know I will miss them terribly when they go. I will look forward to every summer.