Friday, April 25, 2008
Look at who's in the bathtub with Ian! It's OLIVIA. This is the first time this child had enjoyed a bubble bath in months. Olivia started out hating bath time as an infant. Then she adored it, hated it again, and now we're back to the loving end of the rope. I hope this time it'll stick. I could not have enjoyed bathing the children more yesterday morning. Watching Olivia splash, play, giggle, and dump water every where couldn't have brought me more joy. Bath time is such a nice "time out" for all of us. The kids can play and get clean at the same time, and it buys me an hour of sitting and catching my breath. I'm loving it.
Did any one catch Dr. Phil yesterday? I never watch him. My "break" is generally earlier in the day when Olivia naps, and by the time 3pm rolls around, the kids will be home from school in a hour, and we're thick in chores, toys, and snacks. Tuesday or Wednesday I saw the preview for the show, and decided to make sure to watch. It was about a woman who's son is acting out sexually, and is suspected of being abused by his grandfather. This woman also was molested by her father. Her father joins the show, and the confrontation begins. Part two is on today.
The woman described her feeling the evilness of her father. It was so interesting how she put her feelings into words, because I, too, have described the man who molested me the very same way. When we are finally able to move out of this man's house, I remember him clutching my little body close to his and saying good bye. I remember feeling evil radiate from his body, and remember wishing to be put down, knowing this man was consumed by the adversary.
I felt literally ill, right along with that woman, through the entire show. And her father was so obviously sick that it was hard for me to watch him. How very sick a person must be to assault a child, molest her/him, take a child's innocence away. Sexual abuse has such severe repercussions in the victim's life, the suffering is indescribable. I feel it deep in my soul, in my worth as a woman. The healing for me, thus far, has been life long.
I'm going to watch part two today, mainly because there is some thing sweet in seeing justice be passed to a victim, and some thing sweet seeing the perpetrator brought to restitution's door.
I wish more then any thing, every victim had their very own sweet taste of victory in their own lives, but sadly, most suffer in silence. Let us all guard ourselves, and our own children just a little bit more.
Update: My feelings after watching part two of the Dr. Phil special:
I am truly horrified. What amazed me what how truly sick that man is, in EVERY sense of the word. Truly, truly sick, as are all pedophiles. I have to admit, I am sitting here numb, with my mind spinning. Words can't express..... mainly because I have felt EVERY thing that was expressed on that show. Some times things just don't fit into a nice tidy box, where I try to keep my emotions. This is exactly why I am, at times, lost in my attempts to keep my children safe or have lost it when I felt like they have been endangered. Because I know, first hand, the suffering that could follow. To imagine my children suffering the same, it brings me to my knees.