Friday, April 24, 2009

It's time.


Me and my greatest friend and husband, Andrew.

Me and one of my dearest friends/sister/neighbor/girlfriend, Lisa.

My sweet, sweet baby boy, Isaac.


It's time friends. It's time to start writing the story about how we came to meet this sweet and perfect soul. The last of my family has left my home, and today was my first day home, all alone. I'll be honest and admit, it was hard. Not as hard as I had expected, but it was hard for me. I've been distracted the last week having my grandparents here making plans with me each day.... today there were no plans. Just me, home with the kids, and my grief, which is still very much there. The grief, although I feel it at some level all of the time, is not what one would imagine. I still feel joy and peace and comfort. I still feel happy and blessed and content. I feel all of those things mixed in with the dull heart ache of losing my child. It's manageable. Do-able. Bearable. None of which I would wish on my worst enemy, but we're making it - - one step at a time.

April 8th was the day our sweet Isaac was born into the world, living. I stayed up the entire night before.... cleaning the house, folding clothes, pacing back and forth. I fixed my hair, did my nails..... packed and re-packed my bags. 5am finally arrived, and Andrew and I picked up Lisa, and we headed to the hospital. Our check in was un-eventful, although the nurse was a bit of a dumb ass and had not been informed about our situation. She went on and on about the nursery safety guidelines until I finally spoke up and told her that my baby was going to die that day. She looked at me with a blank stare, and went on with what she was doing.

Once we got to our room I put on my lovely gown, and was of course bare-assed. I joked with Lisa that she was going to see a "new side of me", as I scooted over to my bed. The nurses came in and did all those things that nurses do.... and would you believe me if I told you the nurse assigned to me that morning was PREGNANT?? She sure was, and obviously so..............




I'm going to continue Isaac's birth story over the next several posts, complete with pictures. I also wanted to very much thank those of you whom have visited here with me and have left behind your love and support. I'm not in good form these days, but I plan to visit each of your blogs, that you call home, but I wanted to say thank you, in the mean time. I have been so touched (and surprised) by the great numbers of visitors and commentors. We're breaking records around here.... all made possible by one sweet little baby boy, with a very mighty soul. I'll be in touch.

36 comments:

Seraphim said...

Thank you for sharing. I'm keeping you in my thoughts these days. And I love the picture of your precious baby staring at you. Lots of love. Sarah xxx

Michelle said...

i'm doing a series on my blog, too, about my brain surgery... but yours is a whole lot more important & much deeper. i'll be checking back, just as i have been all along.

praying,
michelle

Krystal said...

He is just adorable!

Marie said...

What a beautiful baby boy. Your courage and example inspire me. XXOO

Pokeyann said...

I love all the pictures. Thank you for sharing them. I love you!

Holly said...

I'm glad you are going to write it all down. It will help you recall all the little details later.

I'm glad you shared how your grief has been. I feel that yours is close to mine they way you described it. I don't feel so alone now. Compared to so many other stories of moms who have suffered loss I feel like the odd man out. My grief seems to be totally different. Like you, I still have joy and peace and comfort. I feel happy and blessed and content. You really hit the nail on the head for me. Even in the short time that Carleigh has been gone I've felt the grief lessen but my heart still aches for her as yours aches for Isaac. Thank you for sharing that.

I can't believe you stayed up the whole night before. I don't think I would've been able to do that. I'm not a night owl whatsoever. I can't even stay up if I try. It sound like you had a lot to keep you busy though. You would've thought they would've informed the nurse of what was going on. That's pretty important to know in my opinion. It would've been nice to avoid that awkward situation. You probably shocked the crap out of her when you told her Isaac wasn't going to live. Not something she prolly hears a lot. Before my induction I talked to the manager of Mother Baby Care and asked her to make sure that the nurses who were going to be taking care of me were informed and had read our birth plan. She said she had already done it. :)

Don't you just love those gowns? (NOT) So flattering. No way...she was pregnant!? That really could have been planned better by whoever was in charge. I mean....seriously!?

I'm so glad you've been getting lots of visitors and support. The more the better!

Celia said...

Misty, Thank you so much for sharing. I have a feeling that these posts will be something to treasure as you go along. The little details seem to fade with time, something I have found to be true as I travel down this same path. I want to remember every little thing, regardless. I also plan on writing about things after Noah's arrival.

I do think that the hospital could have done a better job of planning for your arrival. At the very least, once the were informed of the situation by yourself, they could have reorganized before getting you back and in your room where you had to be confronted by that pregnant nurse. I know that my doctor has sent a note to L&D informing them of my circumstances and I have already talked to the lead nurse there as well.

I am also amazed that you stayed up the night before. Wow! Although, come to think of it, I will probably do the same due to nervous energy! That and the fact that there is so much to be done in my house as well! I like the idea of doing hair and nails....I have never before considered that but I think I would like to look less like I just crawled out of bed...LOL!

Again, thank you so much for sharing....I know this is difficult but at the same time I can imagine that your heart is singing with joy over being able to share such a special little boy. You are right...Isaac has one might soul.

Deb said...

Hi Misty,this is just a short note,ive tried 3 times before but it just seems to fail so im trying this out!Sending you masses of love

Debbie said...

Isaac is such a beautiful baby. Those are just precious pictures of you and the rest of the family. With my own life I find writing to be very theraputic. Thank you for sharing your highs and lows. You are truly amazing!

Aunt Becky said...

Misty,
I am so amazed by your strength, faith and courage. Isaac sure was a beautiful child..
I'm thinking maybe the pregnant nurse was actually a gift for her.. Maybe she wasn't as appreciative for her pregnancy, and being there, involved with your situation will make her realize the gift she is about to receive... Lets hope there was a reason for the insensitivity you felt having her be your nurse..
I wish I knew how to start a blog, I would love to share my life also, your children are so beautiful and I am so happy they are there for you. And your sweet husband.
I hope as the days move forward your heart can heal and only be filled with precious memories..
hugs,
becky b.
bbenkoski@hotmail.com

Alicia said...

Misty, thank you so much for letting us read this part of your story. Isaac is so beautiful and so are you. I am blown away at your courage and faith. I know you say that so many people have reached out and touched you but you know.. you have touched many people too with your story. I hope you have a good weekend and I'm still praying for you each and everyday.

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

Do you know what? You give me strength. Every day I think of you and how much you have had to endure and it astounds me. You are such an inspiration. Because despite it all you chose to hold on to the good things, to keep your heart free of the "dark side of the force" (we've been watching Star Wars...sorry!).

Thank you Misty. Thank you for shining your own beautiful bright light on the world. And for sharing it with me, who is so undeserving.

Debo Hobo said...

You are so strong and a guiding light for many. Many blessing to you and your family....

Nicole said...

He looks so perfect. Thank you for sharing your story.

Verna said...

Thank you for sharing. You will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Kate said...

Hello and I am sorry for your loss. A book that might help your kids is "We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead." An organization called griefwatch.com put it out a couple of years ago. It is prety good, I have used it before as a school counselor. Thanks for sharing your story!

Holy Crappers said...

He is just so gorgeous...thank you for sharing.

peace
#2

Elaine A. said...

What a beautiful, perfect soul. I'm SO very sorry for your loss. And thank you for opening your heart and sharing with us.

the quirky one in the family said...

I have been following your blog and have not commented because I didn't want to intrude into your life, but I do want to thank you (along with so many others) for your example and for the shining person that you are. I feel for your family so much and wish there was some way to help comfort you all. I am so thankful you had some time with Isaac and were able to meet him and get such beautiful pictures of him. I commend you for getting a picture of all of your kids together - it is a priceless picture that you will all treasure.

Thank you for writing for writing it all down and allowing us all to be part of your journey... we are all better mothers and friends because of it.

LisaShaw said...

A precious journey...

Holly said...

Hi Misty! I got your comment. You can email me at caring4carleigh@yahoo.com.

Michele said...

He is so beautiful... I've been in your position and it is so hard, but just holding and loving your babies for the moments you have- nothing can replace those. I am sending many prayers your way and hoping that God continues to strengthen you in this journey.

James and Summer said...

Misty,
I came across your blog through Monica.
I am so glad that you got to hold that precious little one for a while and get some wonderful pictures. What a treasure. It brings peace to know that despite the pain - there is some peace and comfort. You have already been through so much! What an example you are to me of faith and adhering to that which brings us the ultimate level of peace.
Your children really are 'growing like weeds'! How beautiful they are! - really. Very adorable children!
I follow you now - and will be praying for you and your family often!

James and Summer said...

Thank you for helping me to be much more thankful even for the 'handful' that my girls have been this week. How could I ever take for granted such precious time? thank you.
Summer Wilda

Amy said...

I miss you, Misty.

Cheryl said...

What a beautiful little boy..I think of you daily, hoping you find yourself smiling at some point each day...

Amy said...

Even though I was new to your story until the day of Isaac's birth, I have to keep coming back here to see how you are doing. What joy to read of your own feelings of peace. And your gracious response to the hearting heart that left the comment below was a real blessing to me. Thank you for allowing God to work through you.

Rachelle said...

I just found your blog today (linked from another blog). I wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I am amazed by your faith and grace. As a fellow LDS woman, I am touched by your faith and testimony. I pray that you will continue to feel peace and comfort from above during this time.

Deb said...

Hi Misty,thinking of you as always these days hugs to you and your family

Lindsey said...

How very happy you look in these pictures! You have been blessed with 4 precious children and I have a feeling you will be blessed again;) Still lifting you in prayers!

just jamie said...

Oh Isaac... the love that your mama has for you...

Love you Misty.

Kari said...

Beautiful blog. Touching story. Precious little baby boy. Amazing Mom.

I'm so sorry for your grief. Thoughts and prayers for you.

The Karafa Family said...

Misty, I came to your blog from 2peas. I haven't commented until now because I just haven't known what to say. I was praying for your family that you would get some time, even if brief to spend with Issac. I'm glad you did. I am a fellow Sister in the Gospel and your faith is so strong and touching.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I'm sad for you that the hospital was not more sensitive in their handling of the situation. That was so thoughtless of them.
I look forward to reading about your time with your sweet baby boy!

CAS said...

As soon as I saw the picture of Issac looking up at the camera, I smiled. What a gorgeous little face and bright eyes.

I'm sorry you had to say goodbye to him so soon after he was born.

Baby Blessings said...

I stumbled across your blog tonight by "accident". Being post-partum hormonal I cried reading most of it! Your baby was beautiful. I can't believe the post below this that someone actually said those cruel things to you! All life is precious! I pray the Lord comforts your heart through the journey you are on.