Sunday, April 12, 2009
This picture was hard to get. Olivia had had it by this point Wednesday evening, but I REALLY wanted a picture with ALL of my babies together. My husband did his best, and after a final edit from my girlfriend, this is what we have: A not so perfect picture, that is PERFECT to me.
Oh how I miss this little one. We're all struggling. This is a heartache that I have not felt before. I think of the years of abuse and abandonment we suffered as children. That heartache I felt for years compares nothing to how my heart ache now. I cannot even begin to explain the grief my body hurts with, and how I ache to be raising this child, loving him, and holding him. I fall asleep in tears, wake in tears. Yet some how, though this, I know we will come out better and more strong. I know the sacrifice I made for my God was complete and whole, and will not be forgotten.
There is so much to share. The funeral was lovely yesterday. There is a slide show I am working on. My childhood best friend is working on editing my favorites for me..... I have so much I want to write about. But, there isn't a lot of time right now. The children are home for the entire week... it's spring break now. My focus is on them, and helping their sweet little broken hearts heal. Oh the pain I feel watching my sweet children long for this child....
I'll be in touch as I can, and soon enough I'll be posting much, much more. I have a feeling writing may be one of the only ways for me to begin the healing process.
Thank you for listening, sweet friends. How I love you, and appreciate you. And to all that have written and commented... some time soon I'd be stopping by your blogs and getting to know you, too. Thank you for reaching out.