Thursday, January 22, 2009
My heart has been heavy all day. But filled with sweet reminders of how lucky we are to have this baby growing inside of me as he just kicked as I'm writing this journal entry. It was a week ago today that we found out Isaac will be born with Anencephaly. I dream of how long he'll live, hoping for a couple hours instead of just minutes. I've thought about the past 7 days, and have been grateful to see the progress the children have made in their grief. They truly are amazing. How Andrew and I love them! I've been thinking about how I need to force myself to shop for the baby's outfits - what I'll dress him in at the hospital, and what we'll bury him in. I can't bring myself to do it yet. As the days pass I feel more confidant in my ability to live with this trial, and am slowly returning to my household duties. I've planned dinner this evening. Big step for me. Andrew has worked the week well, and has been a top performer at work. He's a strong, good man. He loves to touch my belly for "good luck" he says. I'm not used to being touched so much, but this is his boy, too - - I can share! The children have transitioned back into school well, and have the support of very loving teachers, whom we are amazingly gratful for. I've thought of the baby's name often this week: Isaac Brighman Nielson. We decided on the name Isaac months before we knew we were pregnant. It reminds me of the story of Abraham and Isaac, Abraham being willing to lay his child's life at the Lord's feet. We've been asked to do the same, and will do so, bring grateful to our Father for giving us time with this sweet and perfect spirit.