I think honesty is the best policy. For sure. But, it kind of sucks when it turns around to bite you in the ass. Or heart. What ever you fancy.
For example. Christmas Eve. This comment: "Okay, we're out of your life." Direct quote, copy and pasted from an email I got from my father! Creating boundaries after living in an abusive home? Didn't work. Won't ever work. But I do admit it stung a little bit. I think part of that little girl in me has always hoped some day... maybe some day.... I'd receive that love I've always wanted from parents. FAT chance. But. On a lighter note, my hands are washed of them. Forever.
Now, what happens if you're placed in a situation with some one you really love?? She's older then you. Much older. Kinda like your suto Mama. And then. You have to be honest. She's kind of losing it. You have disagreement. She says she's saying "goodbye to you for good". Nice. Smooth. But it makes me feel sad. Am I seriously destined to have, what, 2 or 3 people from my biological family in my life? No more then that? Ever?
Being honest with yourself. Happy New Year everybody. I have a lot of goals, but the most important one: my goal isn't to attend church, or reading my scriptures, it's not losing weight, although all of those are swell choices. I want to develop the more softer side in myself and develop greater patience and love for my children. I want to develop the ability to pick my battles as a mother, and learn to let the little stuff go. Like this morning. Did I have to yell because Ian lost his homework folder and threw a fit. Did I have to yell at Hannah for losing her winter clothing and being sassy? I want to nurture the better mother in myself. That's what I want for 2009. Because really? 2008 kinda sucked for me. I back slid a LOT. I can forgive myself for a bad year, if I can put a really good one under my belt this year.
And writing? Blogging??
Seems like I have to do it. Whether any one reads or not.
So here we are 2009. Being brutally honest. Watching my children grow, and getting ready to welcome our 4th child into the family in May. Kinda takes my breath away some days.
Walk with me. Down my less traveled road.