Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I mean this.

I wanted to further explain something I wrote in my last post.

I was not meaning to blow off the few friends I have that have done their best to be here for me. I have had a friend being meals into my home. I've had a neighbor bring bread and flowers. I've had care packages in the mail. I have a friend that curled up by me on the couch as I cried for my sweet boy. I've had emails, a play date or two, a phone call from time to time.

What I wanted to explain is what I have needed, that another bereaved mother has provided to me in friendship:

1. I don't have to worry about talking about my son too much. I don't have to worry about making some one feel awkward.

2. I can talk to her about how my marriage has changed.

3. I can talk to her about this sadness has changed every day life.

3. I can talk to her about how much I love my boy, but she understands how much I hurt because I miss him.

4. She can understand that the constant care, and checking in, and cute emails and notes is something I love. I need people to remember, because I hurt every day.

5. I know she won't tire of my journey because she is journeying the same one. I know she is patient with me, and understands why I would and still do hurt. She understands that it's possible to hurt, even if you have faith in God, and she understands it's possible to hurt, even if you have moments of joy. I don't feel judged by her.

It's not that I don't appreciate what others have done for me, but I appreciate having a friend, too, that is in my same boat.

I'm sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings. I guess it's just how it is sometimes.

12 comments:

Are You Serious! said...

♥ I think it's awesome to have a wonderful super fantastic friend like that! What a blessing!

Trisha Larson said...

Amen. Though I must say that my 2 best friends through my journey of losing Nate have never walked this walk. I don't know how they have managed to remain my friends when everyone else bailed but they have been amazing.

I do agree that you just have this connection with other moms in "our club". Even the first time I meet another one, my heart is connected with them and I feel understood from the very beginning. It's such a relief to be with people that you don't have to explain or defend yourself to.

Hugs,
Trisha

Nickel Pickle said...

Misty,
You are so honest & that's what I really admire about you. I LOVE that about you! I wish more people were as honest as you & let their real feelings and not act like everything is hunky dory when its not!

I get a lot of facebook time because for some reason my computer acts crazy at night! Ugh so aggravating! Anyways what I am trying to say is if you ever see me online and want to chat please do not hesitate to IM me.

I hope that you feel comfortable talking to me. I have been there done that & even though its been almost 4 years I STILL hurt & want to talk about my baby boy....

Everyone around me thinks I should have been "over this" a long time ago....

Anyways, I hope the cake was good. ;)
((hugs)) sweetheart.

Nicole Mommy to Logan.

Klin said...

No offense taken where none was intended.

You need to talk about him. He is part of your family, part of your life. He is real and you do love him. Talk about him. Talk about what you hoped for him. What dreams you had for him. I would love to read it, too.

Anna-b-bonkers said...

I understand your yearning and often wish for the same kind of companionship from a friend. there is nothing better than to have a friend that can completely empathise with you.

Holly said...

I know I get it. You can talk about things with a bereaved friend that you really can't with someone who hasn't walked that road. Other babyloss moms just get it and you don't have to explain yourself.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I'm glad you have a friend that can support & understand you. I would think that's something you never 'get over', but something that changes you and you carry it around forever. Nobody who hasn't been there could understand it.

Ashley said...

Your true friends will understand that. The people who love and know you best will understand that they cannot understand what your heart, your soul is going through. They will want you to have a friend in the same boat only to prevent you from being alone. They won't need an apology, they'll be there for the times when you need a friend who isn't in the boat, to fill the needs that your achingly sad friend can't fill because she hurting and has needs too. And anyone else, who was hurt will think about it and get over it. After all being a friend isn't always about you(them)they'll see that soon enough.

Michele said...

Oh Sweets... You dont need to apologize! Different situations in our lives bring us closer to different people. That is okay.

Cheryl said...

you have a wonderful friend there, no need to make excuses. Not everyone can share in your pain like she can....not one friend is all encompassing....that is why we need several, each nourishing us in different ways.

Celia said...

Ditto....I love you girl....seriously.....

Rebecca said...

If people are your friends...truly there isn't anything you could say after what you've been through that would/should send them packing. If it does, their loss not yours. It is what it is...