Sunday, May 31, 2009

Finished.....


Lisa, with Isaac, after we had bathed and dressed him.

I finished getting my blog in order. Quotes had been deleted - I fixed them. I had photos up of only Olivia and Isaac on the side bar - I added more. I've gotten things switched around and simplified, just how I want. I found myself sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks, gazing at Isaac's sweet little face. Many days I drift back to the day he was born, and I find myself wishing to go back, to visit with him, to hug him and to kiss him.

Did you know Isaac had golden blond hair? Of course his hair was wet when he was born, but when I bathed him. I could see the golden shade, as his hair dried. Because of his deformity, I couldn't see a "full head" of hair, but the hair that he had was long - an inch in length. It would have been fuzzy and poofy like Ian's had been. Ian had so much hair that when he was first brought to me after he was born, the nurse had parted his hair. I immediately messed that part right up, but when I think of it now, it makes me chuckle.

I enjoyed bathing Isaac. Holy crap was it hard to clean the vernex off of his skin. Liken it to trying to clean diaper ointment off with water - - doesn't work. Lisa was there with me, as was Andrew. The children had left with Grandma, and I was left to do what mothers do - - fuss over their babies. This time I inspected Isaac from head to toe. I asked about his head and was told it looked pretty bad. I looked anyway, and my heart skipped a beat. It was bad. Much worse than I had seen online. But. I quickly snapped into mama mode, and I asked for clean gauze and ointment, and I took care of my child's wound no different than I had taken care of my other children's wounds before. Lisa and I washed Isaac and laughed and giggled over him. He was a thick little boy. Wide shoulders like Ian's. Burly and sweet. I had my Johnsons and Johnsons baby lotion with me - the pink, origional kind, which is my favorite. I've used it on all of my babies, just like my grandmother had used it on me when I was a child. I rubbed lotion onto Isaac and loved him and kissed him. Lisa helped me dress him and we situated a hat on his sweet little head. I could NOT believe how sweet he looked, perfect in every way. I was amazed at how quickly his body turned cold. I didn't like the feeling. He body was becoming stiff, and I felt better to have his sweet little self wrapped snuggly in a blanket. Soon after we took more pictures, soon after that, they moved me to the Mother Baby floor..........

Did I mention it is summer vacation here? I've got some pictures to post, I'll do that later in the week. It's been a little hectic. It's a little tiresome working out all of the bickering and arguements, but I feel so content that my house is full. I try not to think about Isaac missing. I think about the coming year, and I am looking forward to the fall months. We had the ok to start trying for another baby in October. For a minute today I thought about that, and felt the same excitement I've felt in the past thinking about that possibility.... buying a new crib, new clothes, a car seat, lotions and shampoos, bottles, formula..... It would be a dream come true. A dream come true. And then, I admit, a little panic set in, and I'm snapped back to reality. I can worry about that another day...........

Do me a favor, if I haven't been to your blog yet, comment and let me know. I'm trying harder to visit blogs and trying harder to get to know you better. Let me know where you are, and I'll stop by.... It's important to me.

Till then, I'll be thanking God for your support.

33 comments:

Seraphim said...

I feel really honoured that you shared this special part of Isaac's story with us. I used Johnson and Johnson's on all my babies too. I understand the anticipation about October, and you're right. It can wait for another day. Right here Misty, walking with you. xxxx

Thorny Tree Lady said...

Love the look of the revamped sight! And I'm so glad to "hear" you're doing well. You're such a strong woman - thank you for your example!

Holly said...

Oh, I can just imagine Isaac with that golden hair. How cute!! The vernix was hard to get off Carleigh too. Even after her bath she still had a little on her.

Beth said...

Can I just tell you how much I love the banner picture of you holding Isaac? You have this look on your face of pure love and adoration for your sweet boy. Its beautiful in every way. I just wanted you to know. With love from Ohio.

Cheryl said...

The next year will be full of happiness, I promise.
Your kids are beautiful, when I look at their pictures I feel peace.

Lea said...

Thank you for sharing Isaac's story with us. I am so glad that you had that precious time with him. You are a beautiful mother.

Alicia W. said...

Thank you for sharing that part of Isaac's story. :o) Wishing you a wonderful day with your beautiful children.

Nickel Pickle said...

Isaac reminds me so much of my Logan. Who also had a lot of hair. It was even on his little ears! LOL. That vernix IS hard to get off. When I was trying to get that stuff out of the little folds in his legs I guess I was wiping a little too hard and Logan sure let me know he DID NOT like it! lol

I like the new look of the blog. I know you have visited mine before, but the link is http://loganquinn.blogspot.com

((hugs))
Nicole Mommy to Logan.

Holly said...

Thank you for continuing to share your story sweetie. Wish I could give you a big hug today.

whitney.evan said...

I have a blog it is private but I'd love to invite you. Send me your email address. Mine is mammaofchad@gmail.com

I take a walk every morning and I have loved seeing your kids out at the bus stop every morning. I will miss that this summer but I am so glad you have them home with you.

Celia said...

Misty, I love the new look on your blog.

Thanks for sharing about Isaac. I too bathed Noah and had a hard time getting the vernix off though much of it had come off throughout the day, being rubbed off by his clothing. Noah also had a lot of hair and even had quite a bit on his face, much like Isabelle did when she was little. She kind of looked like a sasquatch, she had so much hair on her face! Noah's wasn't that dramatic as it was blonde. Her's was dark!

I too find myself drifting and thinking about the fall and what that might bring. It is a bittersweet anticipation. I don't allow myself to drift there often.

And I, like you, am looking forward to the summer, when my children will be here filling my house with all the noises that come with them being home...playing, fighting, playing some more, fighting some more!! YOu get the idea! I have fun plans for them!

I pray that your dream comes true when that time comes....

Tiffany said...

Misty - I love the look of your blog, but even more, I love that you love it. I usually just read posts off of google reader, but when you said that you had the layout done, I had to come over and look at it and I love it. Great job. I'm still feeling pretty nauseous these days, but I'm hoping that will all be gone in a couple of weeks, and then we need to get together. Maybe we could meet at a park or something.

Darci Salisbury said...

HI, I'm a leurker :). I've never commented, but have journeyed with you these months. I've prayed for you much, and shared your blog with others.

I'm darci... and I buried my sweet Tucker in 2006 unexpectedly and tragically ( http://tuckersalisbury.com/ ). I was 4 months pregnant when Tucker died, with boy #4, so I've had two more babies, and expecting one this May 2009, just overdue today.

Lately I've journeyed with you through your blog and my dear friend who said goodbye to her new baby this month as well. My own pregnancy filled with fears and anxiety.

I'm rambling... still grieving. Relating to many of your emotions. BLessed by your authenticity and love.

God is so faithful. "He heals the broken hearted and bandages their wounds!" Psalm 147:3 I am thankful...

Since you asked - I do blog my journey... http://darcisalisbury.com/mat/

Loving you from afar,
Your friend in grief...
Darci

Eliot's Mom said...

I loved this post. I loved reading about your tender and happy moments with Isaac. I loved relating to your favorite choice of baby lotion -- which is mine, too. I love that when you smell that now, Isaac will be one of your memories. I am so happy for you that October is your go-ahead month ... October! That's so soon, Misty!! In the mean time, hang in there, enjoy your summer days, and let's take the kids to the pool soon ...
Love you,
Monica

Loralee and the gang... said...

I can't pretend to know how you feel... I can only imagine, based on my own tiny tragedies and miracles. But please know that my heart aches for you, and rejoices for you that you have a celestial child. You WILL get to raise him one day! I love you and your family as much as is possible via this little blog-world here. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you enjoy your children and mourn your loss. And mourn your loss with your children, as I imagine you do...all of this will draw you together in a way that cannot be broken if your hand never leaves theirs.
with love,
Loralee

Shannon said...

I too am honoured that you shared this with us. *hugs*

I don't remember if you've been to my blog or not, but don't feel like you must rush to do so.

*hugs*

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

Your words, amazing, they are so real and full of love. Thank you for sharing.

The pictures of the kids on the weekend prove what a wonderful Momma you are, their joy is palpable. I am patting you on the back while I give you a big virtual hug. You make me want to be a better person.

xoxoxoxxo

jengacek said...

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It is so important that we all come together as moms and support each other through everything, whether it be good or bad, happy or sad.
I pray for peace and comfort for you and your beautiful family.

Klin said...

You can get by the blogs anytime. You have shared a very special memory here and I have chills because of it. I have worked with mothers who don't take the time to say goodbye. They never get past the death. You are doing a great job grieving. I'm impressed by you.

S said...

Here's to a year ahead full of love and wonder and excitement with just enough time to remember. Thank you for sharing your beautiful son and being such a great Mom to him!

Debbie said...

Misty, I love that your Mommy instincts kicked in and wanted to inspect him head to toe. I love how you took care of his wound as only a mommy can. Enjoy your summer with all your kiddos.

Laurie in Ca. said...

Misty,

Thank you so much for sharing the story of your sweet Isaac with us. And the mama mode is such a wonderful gift from God isn't it? He gives such strength when we need it the most. God bless you sweetie as you work your way through this time in your life. Praying ahead of time for October for you and asking God to give you a gentle summer with your children as you all heal. You have a beautiful heart.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Rebecca said...

Misty-

I've never been a Momma...what's vernix?

Your stories are wonderful and now when I smell Johnson and Johnson's I can think if Isaac too :) What a gift it will be to meet him on the other side of the veil. It is so very thin, M. He's close by. I can just feel it.

Love -R

Lynnette Kraft said...

I thoroughly enjoyed all of your new pictures. They are just precious. How blessed you are to have those.

Are You Serious! said...

♥ I love your header collage! Beautiful pictures of your family! I hope you have a wonderful week! :)

Jason, as himself said...

This could be something you never wanted to share with anyone. But I'm glad that you do. I'm glad that you're sharing every precious moment.

Jennie said...

I have thought of you often. You are a brave woman. Thank you for sharing your baby's story to inspire others.

I may not know you, but I have prayed for you,
Jennie

Jessica said...

I've been lurking now for months, but since you asked, I thought I'd let you know I'm here. Your family's story has touched me, and I admire your honesty. Your words have caused me to hold my three children a little longer, a little closer, and with more emotion. Thank you for that. You have my support as long as it's needed, if only from afar.
Jessica

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Your posts about Isaac are so beautiful and heartfelt. They are sad, but yet not sad in a way...hard to explain.
Thinking of you!

Alyson said...

I am so amazed by your courage and strength to be able to tell Isaac's story.

My heart aches for you and your family......I can't even begin to imagine HOW HARD it is.

So he had long golden locks???!!!! How adorable... My oldest had blond hair, but it was just peach fuzz and my almost 1 year old (he'll be 1 on Saturday) had long BLACK hair......It reminded me of Monkey hair.....he he he....All crazy :0)


http://wellensfamily.blogspot.com

Aunt Becky said...

Your son Isaac is simply stunning. What a beautiful boy you have.

I'm here from LFCA and I wanted to say thank you for sharing this memory with us. I will treasure it always.

EMILY G. said...

you have such a beautiful family!

Thena said...

Not sure how I came across your blog. I don't believe anything is by accident. Your a very strong woman. An encouragement to others around you and a beacon of light in this dark world.