Thursday, September 11, 2008
Do I have a treat for you.
Make this soup tonight. I made it yesterday. We ate the whole pot. It's a guaranteed kid pleaser, and takes - like - less then one hour to make. And let me tell you...... SO delicious.
I have - to date - taken - I think - 8 pregnancy tests. I swear I will no take any more. I simply cannot believe this good fortune, especially now that I have gotten a dark pink line! I had the good news minus all the waiting and angst. Minus the planning and scheduled baby sex. It was easy. And a gift from God to me. Trying to get pregnant with Olivia created serious problems for me. I'll spare you the details, but my history of abuse brought up feelings I could barely handle, and it took about a year and a 1/2 to recover. This time around, I've stayed in my "happy place", not letting my mind wander to things from the past, feeling determined to get through this bout of fertility drama - - and I got my most prized wish anyhow. Some one UP THERE is looking out for me. Disaster diverted. HUGE time.
In the next breath. I worry so much about getting pregnant, and now I worry so much about BEING pregnant. What happens if some thing goes wrong? What happens if I have a miscarriage? What happens if this wonderful gift gets taken away? What if those tests were wrong? I am a whopping 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant. As the weeks pass, I think I'll settle down. I hope.
Stop it already right? Believe me, I'm TRYING.
Let's you and me just go make more of that great soup. That'll fix it!