It's her fault.

I fully plan on using my pregnancy as my "get out of jail totally free" card.

I would also like to put it out there that I am having daily..... some times hourly... meltdowns. And, it's the baby's fault. I'm sticking to that story.

And.

I talked to a friend tonight.

She talked me out of quitting. She's kinda sweet like that. And it is my duty to keep her identity top secret. I'm cool like that. I keep secrets. Mwwwaaaaahhhhhhhhahahahah.

And.

Another thing.

I cleaned up Olivia's barf today. I smelled it, touched it, cleaned it up. I did all of that, even being in this condition.

And if that isn't enough to make you feel bad for me and keep reading my blog, I'm out of ideas.

Because the more I think about it, this may be a bumpy ride.

Feel free to roll yours eyes now...... I can feel it happening......

Tea time?

Remember this?

Awesome Mom won it. Send me your mailing address, and I'll do my best to get it sent to you in a timely fashion. Which might make some people laugh, because, really - I suck at getting to the post office. Ask my brother. He and his lovely other half are still awaiting their birthday box. Which was meant for March and May. Sad. I know. But. I'll do better, promise.

So.

I'm still sick. Still barfy. But liking this skittles I'm eating right now.

And liking that my scale shows a loss, and not a gain. Not intentional. I swear.

I also bought myself the bestest black draw-string pants in the world, and I'm not taking them off, except to wash. They are mine, ALL mine. Doubt you want 'em anyway.

Anyways. Back to my motherly duties. We're right in the middle of home work, and since I totally blew off all my responsibilities today, I'll go now and get to work, while I still have time to redeem myself.

I wanna know how you are..... it's been a while..... Spill it.

Protect Our Children!

It's time to get on the wagon, ladies and gents - - GO HERE!

Can't say I have time to sit and watch Oprah often, but since I'm sick and pregnant, I did today, because this one caught my eye.

As a victim of sexual abuse, I cannot express how important Senate Bill 1738 is. This bill will provide the funding for the correct officials to go after the millions of sexual predators that allude us.

My abuser, I knew. Most likely, your child would, too. Help keep your children safe and help push this through.

Teach your children about "stranger danger" but don't forget almost all of these "strangers" are family members, teachers, coaches, and family friends. Teach your children about "good touch, bad touch". Be involved, be aware, and be on top of what is going on in your child's life. I can't be reminded enough.

Take the time, get involved. I just did.

Oh Baby.

So.

Friends.

Do I have a treat for you.

Make this soup tonight. I made it yesterday. We ate the whole pot. It's a guaranteed kid pleaser, and takes - like - less then one hour to make. And let me tell you...... SO delicious.

I have - to date - taken - I think - 8 pregnancy tests. I swear I will no take any more. I simply cannot believe this good fortune, especially now that I have gotten a dark pink line! I had the good news minus all the waiting and angst. Minus the planning and scheduled baby sex. It was easy. And a gift from God to me. Trying to get pregnant with Olivia created serious problems for me. I'll spare you the details, but my history of abuse brought up feelings I could barely handle, and it took about a year and a 1/2 to recover. This time around, I've stayed in my "happy place", not letting my mind wander to things from the past, feeling determined to get through this bout of fertility drama - - and I got my most prized wish anyhow. Some one UP THERE is looking out for me. Disaster diverted. HUGE time.

In the next breath. I worry so much about getting pregnant, and now I worry so much about BEING pregnant. What happens if some thing goes wrong? What happens if I have a miscarriage? What happens if this wonderful gift gets taken away? What if those tests were wrong? I am a whopping 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant. As the weeks pass, I think I'll settle down. I hope.

Stop it already right? Believe me, I'm TRYING.

Let's you and me just go make more of that great soup. That'll fix it!

The Double Pink LINE.

This may totally bite me in the ass.

But.

I'm pregnant.

**gasp**

With out Clomid. You got that right. I was on Metformin for 2 weeks, got a period, went off the drug because it worked "too quickly", and made plans to re-start all three of my treatments in September.

I've taken 5 of these. The light pink line, you can't see, BUT, I can. A little better each test. And I am about to burst. Because, let me tell you.... every.single.time. IT's a miracle. And this time - it's a shocker.

And I'm in heaven.

I thought about not telling a soul, but that's never been my style. So, we'll start here. And if word leaks further then I hoped, I'll handle that, too. But for now, it's our **little secret**.

Walk with me and be a part of this journey, what ever this journey might be.

I should have known. Giving it UP!

The visit.

Oh, the visit.

The visit sucked. Although sucked with short bursts of tolerable moments.

This is what I learned:

1. I'm fat.

2. My home isn't good enough, it's too small, I need to add on, or buy a new one.

3. My kid's "get up" isn't what rich people approve of.

4. Oh. And the best part, was realizing, what I always feared. My grandparents are emotionally unavailable to me. Duh.. right? They know fully what I have suffered, but stated there must be some way for me, ONE TIME, "get it all out", and be "done with it".

I've spent the last few days not functioning to full capacity, but I'm feeling like my old self again, and have bounced right back into my old "screw 'em" attitude. Some days, though, I wish things were just a little bit easier for me.

But, then again, wouldn't we all??

In the spirit of trying to get my rear back into gear in the blogging world, I am hosting a GIVE A WAY. Yes, me! A give a way. My first, but there is a second one coming soon, just to keep you on your toes.

Here it is:



For your "play tea time" pleasure. It's dainty and sweet. You have one week to enter, I'll announce the winner NEXT Monday. Leave a comment if you want it, and we'll see if it wants you back.