Thursday, May 6, 2010

Getting a grip.

This is what I know. For me. Pregnant is better than not pregnant. But I have to tell you, the worry is almost consuming me. I want to be happy, and I want to believe and have faith that God will deliver to us a screaming, pink, healthy newborn, but the fear of the opposite is so strong. Miscarrying is in nearly my every thought. I am obsessing over pregnancy symptoms or lack there of. I worry if I’m strong enough to swing another loss. This should not be a miserable time for me, but it is. It really, really is. I am living proof newborns dies, pregnancies end, infertility happens. That is not every woman’s truth, but it’s mine.

There is nothing more the Adversary wants than for me to feel beaten down and hopeless. He wants me to believe this pregnancy is over before it’s had a chance to start. He wants me to feel like this is a lost cause. But. In fact. God can create this child for us. His plan is greater than my own. God knows our needs and broken hearts. I need to focus on what He has given me: THREE beautiful, living children. A good man. Steady and solid income. A safe and comfortable home. Health. Love. All of those things outweigh the bad. All of those things outweigh the possibility of loss. And with this possibility of great loss, we have the possibility of great hope. I need to try to focus on what is sitting in front of me instead of worrying myself sick over a pregnancy I cannot control. I cannot control the outcome. I can control how I love and live within my own life.

So for today, Satan can piss off. I have got to find away to get a hold of myself. This isn’t working for me, what I’m doing right now.

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8 comments:

Debbie said...

Big hugs to you today! I'll use the same approach in my life...SATAN PISS OFF!!!!

sarawith4 said...

Ignore the enemy and stay strong. The testing of my faith has nearly destroyed me recently but i am staying strong in the Lord. xxx

Lisette said...

Praying for strength. I love your saying for the "satan can piss off" might use now, lol. Take care.

heathermohr said...

We are in such a similar place right now. I spent most of yesterday being consumed with fear, but I refuse to let it take over my life. Some days it really is harder than others.

(((hugs)))

Samantha said...

Misty, I know all too well what you're going through! I had two miscarriages, then my son, then another miscarriage and am now pregnant again! Due about three days later than you. God is faithful. He is our Peace. Rest in Him! I know how hard it is, but we can do it! And believe on HiM!!!

S said...

I can so remember many days and nights filled with so much worry and almost a sense of dread. I wish there was a magic pill to take away your worry. Peaceful thoughts coming your way!

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

Hang in there. In my humble opinion, good always prevails over evil, we just have to have faith.

I do. We all do. It's enough.

xoxoxo

Ps yes, the picture is perfect given your blog title! I am honoured!

Michele said...

Prayers for your unborn child...