Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Pink. Green. Maybe a little brown.
Oh friends. Don't you love pictures when they depict that motherhood suits you? This is me and Hannah - - YEARS ago, yet it still remains one of my favorites.
Now.... the last couple weeks.... I cannot tell you how many loads of vomit wash I have done, how many pink (infected) eyes I have washed out, noses I have wiped and de-clogged, fevers I've tested and medications I have administered. Holy freaking crap.
Now for the best part. I caught it. Caught it all. Even the pink-pussy-eyes. Do I hear an "ewwwwwwww"? Because really? Spell it with me. I look N-A-S-T-Y. Days upon days of about 2 hours of sleep per night does wonders for you..... NOT. Sleepless nights do, however, do wonders for my nerves AND my eye bags. Sleepless nights some how keep me from showering. I won't even tell you how many days it's been. Oh, Ladies.... what a rough week or so. But now, a Z-pack and lots of codeine cough syrup later, I feel 40% better. I am on the mend. Praise God. Seriously. I am not being sarcastic. I'm not cut out to be sick, nor am I cut out to be the "tender" of all those that are sick. Not my strong point.
It's dawned on me this week that I have 5 1/2 to 7 1/2 weeks to prepare for Isaac's arrival. Just those short weeks to plan his burial and memorial. Those weeks to plan for more photographs, packing my hospital bag, getting the children situated at school. The time has flown. Seriously it has. I have been reminded this week that no matter how huge this trial is to me, it is also a sacred honor to make this sacrifice for my Father in Heaven. I know we all believe so differently, but this I know to be true. God lives. He is real. His plan for our eternal progression is real. This child I am carrying is perfect. He is exempt from a life on this earth. Although we are desperate to keep him, I am willing to help create his body, allow for his breath of life, and will humbly pass him back to our Maker. This child will grow in the here-after, and there will be day that he is mine again. I will know him and love him. There is a great peace in following the plan which God has set before me. As much as my heart aches and my mind grieves, I have faith that there will be more children for me. There is happiness ahead. There is peace and understanding to be gained. As for now, I will cherish and enjoy each movement from my sweet child, and will cherish and love him for what ever amount of time God chooses to give me with him. I will look for the peace that surpasses all understanding, and will continue to believe I am walking hand in hand with the Savior, to give this sweet little perfect boy just what he needs.