Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Pink. Green. Maybe a little brown.


Oh friends. Don't you love pictures when they depict that motherhood suits you? This is me and Hannah - - YEARS ago, yet it still remains one of my favorites.

Now.... the last couple weeks.... I cannot tell you how many loads of vomit wash I have done, how many pink (infected) eyes I have washed out, noses I have wiped and de-clogged, fevers I've tested and medications I have administered. Holy freaking crap.

And now.

Now for the best part. I caught it. Caught it all. Even the pink-pussy-eyes. Do I hear an "ewwwwwwww"? Because really? Spell it with me. I look N-A-S-T-Y. Days upon days of about 2 hours of sleep per night does wonders for you..... NOT. Sleepless nights do, however, do wonders for my nerves AND my eye bags. Sleepless nights some how keep me from showering. I won't even tell you how many days it's been. Oh, Ladies.... what a rough week or so. But now, a Z-pack and lots of codeine cough syrup later, I feel 40% better. I am on the mend. Praise God. Seriously. I am not being sarcastic. I'm not cut out to be sick, nor am I cut out to be the "tender" of all those that are sick. Not my strong point.

It's dawned on me this week that I have 5 1/2 to 7 1/2 weeks to prepare for Isaac's arrival. Just those short weeks to plan his burial and memorial. Those weeks to plan for more photographs, packing my hospital bag, getting the children situated at school. The time has flown. Seriously it has. I have been reminded this week that no matter how huge this trial is to me, it is also a sacred honor to make this sacrifice for my Father in Heaven. I know we all believe so differently, but this I know to be true. God lives. He is real. His plan for our eternal progression is real. This child I am carrying is perfect. He is exempt from a life on this earth. Although we are desperate to keep him, I am willing to help create his body, allow for his breath of life, and will humbly pass him back to our Maker. This child will grow in the here-after, and there will be day that he is mine again. I will know him and love him. There is a great peace in following the plan which God has set before me. As much as my heart aches and my mind grieves, I have faith that there will be more children for me. There is happiness ahead. There is peace and understanding to be gained. As for now, I will cherish and enjoy each movement from my sweet child, and will cherish and love him for what ever amount of time God chooses to give me with him. I will look for the peace that surpasses all understanding, and will continue to believe I am walking hand in hand with the Savior, to give this sweet little perfect boy just what he needs.

19 comments:

Holly said...

I am glad you are on the mend. I know I don't like being sick. Time flies fast so take advantage of each moment!

Kami said...

YOU are amazing. That is all.

You have a beautiful soul, you know that? Beautiful, just as God intended.

Nicole said...

Isaac is a lukcy to have you as his Mommy!

Hope you get to feeling better sweetie!

Pokeyann said...

Ah, girlfriend you are so precious to me. Thank you for sharing yourself with me, you touch my heart and my soul. I weep with you, I swell with pride from knowing you, my life is greatly increased because you are in it. I love you!

Are You Serious! said...

♥ I'm so sorry you've been so sick! It's so hard to be mom when you're feeling so cruddy! I hope you start feeling much better and very soon! Take care!!!

Anne-Marie said...

Hi,

I'm Lara's sil and just found your blog. What beautiful and inspiring words you have offered today.

My dear friend carried a baby with trisomy 18 to term. she only lived for 45 minutes, but her attitude was very similar to yours. always keeping an eternal perspective, driven by faith. I so respect people like you, because there are no words sufficient to describe my empathy for your situation.

Thank you.

Mandi said...

Hello my gorgeous friend, I am sorry I havent posted lately. Things are hectic, I want you to know you are in my thoughts often and that photo you posted has always touched my heart. I look at it on your sidebar everytime I look at your blog.

I know this is a time of great difficulty for you and your family. I also know my dear friend that you have an amazing strength, and God has chosen you because he know that you can touch this little soul for the time that you have with him, you can imprint the love that a mother can give to a child and this is something he will take with him, something that he will have for eternity. The gift of unconditional love is the most precious and this is a gift that you will pass on without even knowing it.

Be strong my gorgeous friend, and know that we are al walking with you - holding you hand and sending our unconditional love to you, because we were lucky enough to have someone in our lives to pass that onto us, so we can share it with you.

mandi.........xxx

The Girl Next Door said...

You are a gift to all of us. Truly a gift. I am forever amazed at your strength. Yet I know you will say it comes from Him, and I know His strength is there for me. But do I have the Courage to walk like you do? Nay. But you inspire me. God uses you well. And You are a blessing.

Debbie said...

I read your post and smiled at your descriptive insights of being a mommy of sick kids and then getting the same crud yourself. Misty, you simply amaze me. Regardless of what is put in front of you you conquer your challenges with poise and grace. love to you...VVT

Klin said...

I loved reading your testimony. As I read it I thought of some of the reasons that I believe certain spirits do not live on earth. I believe that they were huge in removing Satan from the war in Heaven. They need only to gain a body.

I am amazed at your strength and willingness to do this very hard thing for our Father. You are a great daughter of God.

Lara said...

I have always loved that picture of you and Hannah....also the one that you use on your profile right now. They both depict your absolute joy and commitment in being a mother. Inspiring.

As are your words.

I don't think you'll ever realize just how many people you inspire ever day.

Celia said...

Amen! This is a trial but if we keep our eyes and our hearts on God it makes it just a wee bit easier. They are blessings, each of these special babies, to be treasured for whatever amount of time God deems for them to be here. Also, I hope you are feeling better. I can relate. The "crud" is making its way through our house as well and I have finally caught it!! And I always pride myself on never getting anything that the rest of the family gets ... God bless the mommy gene that makes us immune....Well, most of the time anyway! Take care of yourself!

Danielle-lee said...

My dear faraway friend.....you are so amazing. Even when you are going through one of the worst trials possible (in my head), and you've been cleaning up after sick kiddos, and you have your own pink-eye-puss (I HATE THAT!!!), you are strong, positive, and filling US with hope. US. WE are blessed to know YOU through this trial.
Baby Issac, you are such a blessing to all of us.

Debbie said...

Misty, what beautiful words spoken from your heart. Thank you for sharing them.
I hope you get well soon.
Debbie

Lindsey said...

Wonderful post! I know that you are making it through God's grace. I continue to pray for you and your sweet family. Your strength is truly inspiring.

You do have happiness ahead. You are a fabulous mother!

Holly said...

Beautiful thoughts Misty.

Pink-eye is awful. I was surprised at how painful it was. I'm glad you're on the mend.

I'm sorry I didn't get you called on your birthday. My in-laws are visiting from England this week. (They leave tomorrow) Did you get your birthday package?

Kat said...

You are wise, and brave, and faithful, and beautiful.
God bless.

lady4jesuscarla said...

Misty, I must write and tell you how much your blog encourages me. You see,you and I are both walking in a dark valley....I have a Son,Jason who is in HEAVEN. His homegoing was June 25, 2007. He was 30 and he died by suicide. I am writing to tell you my story...and to love and encourage you and your family. There is NOTHING that our precious LORD JESUS can't get us through. The words of the music are so true and beautiful. Jason loves the LORD JESUS with all his heart. He had planned to be a Youth Minister, he loved kids and teens and young people.But, he was a very sensitive young man and he had been through some very hurtful relationships. He was planning to get married in September of 07. He had been married for 2years before and she was unfaithful to him. He was dealing with depression since he was 13 and as he got older, he believed he could deal with it without medication. He gave Nancy her ring during the first week of June. All their plans were made for the wedding. The next day after he gave her the ring,she told him she couldn't marry him. The next week he bought a 5" kitchen knife and went to her house and stabbed himself in the heart. The doctor said if it had gone 1/4" deeper he would have been in HEAVEN then. Less than a week later he found my Dad's gun and went to her house and shot himself in the head. He died immediately. She called me on the phone to tell me. She didn't even seem to care. My whole world came crashing down around me. Jason and I are very close and I had raised him as a single parent when his Father left when I was 7 months pregnant. The LORD and I raised him. The song that says HE will carry me.That is so true. At first I just wanted to die and be with Jason, but the LORD JESUS was holding on to me, just as HE IS HOLDING YOU and those you love. You never get over what has happened. But, the only way to get through it, is as the song says, I will walk by faith...and I can tell you are walking by that faith. There are questions I may never have the answers to...but I just have to trust and keep walking. Of course you will have low days as I have....but with the LORD'S help you will keep trusting and keep walking. There are days when the tears flow freely, I miss him very much. I treasure his pictures and look at them often. But, as you said, we will have time to love them again in eternity. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers often. I understand about anencephaly. I was a nurse in the Navy years ago..and we had a baby born with it. The baby lived for a few days. It was a really hard situation. But, remember the LORD JESUS is closer than your next breath. Go to HIM, let HIM give you the peace and comfort you need. If it is possible could you send me a list of the songs and who sings them. I am marking your blog under my favorites so I can read it and hear the music. Words can never tell you how much you have encouraged me, Misty. If you would like to write to me...please send it to lady4jesuscarla@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you. May the LORD build you a nest in the hollow of HIS hand...and hold you there. Much love in JESUS, HIS lady4jesus, Carla

just jamie said...

Oh my Misty. I have so much love and admiration for you. YOU.