Friday, February 25, 2011

Head 'em up, move 'em out.

After months of going back and forth between my more public blog and more private blog, I've decided I'm ready to end up back here, to share a little more openly again.

I've gone back and forth many times, trying to decide when I was ready to share, because I know (FULLY) that there are some people that read here, that I really don't like. Those are people who I have ended relationships with, for various reasons, and I have never liked the idea of them still reading about my life. But, you know how the internet is - - people getting up in your business, that I wouldn't even share a tissue with, but such is life. I'll find a way to get over it. You know who you are, anyway.

You may have guessed by now what I was going to share, so to avoid chickening out, I'll just type it: I'm PREGNANT! I'll be 18 weeks along on Monday, and I have been elated, and frightened, and worried, every single day since I found out in November. Just today, I was thinking about my 20 week appointment on March 14th, and I started to think about what I would do if they didn't find a heartbeat. I mean. I got one last time, but that excitement has since worn out, so what happens if something bad happens now??? It's a fine dance of being so excited at the idea of a newborn babe, with the slap of terror that I might not get my dream come true. The death of a newborn and miscarriages after.... they kind of ruin the idea of pregnancy bliss, ya know? Kind of puts a huge mote in between the ignorantly blissful and the horrifyingly bereaved. Make sense?

So, here's the thing. If you know me, and I have not spoken to you about being pregnant, I won't, not until it's on my terms. I'll deny deny deny until I'm brave enough to chit chat about it. So just pretend this still is a secret, and that way we can avoid awkward conversations, lets say, if I run into you at church........ fair warning, right??

And, just like my kids do - - pray my baby has all it's parts, and is born living. The kind of healthy that lets you bring the baby home, not the kind of dead that makes you bury them into the ground. So far, so good, though - - I'm trying to focus on that.


xoxo Misty

12 comments:

Klin said...

I am totally praying that you get your dream come true and I'm hoping that you'll post the sex of the baby if you choose to find out.
I am truly feeling a guarded excitement for you. I don't want you to get your heart broken again and I am praying for a strong a heart beat and a healthy report in a couple of weeks.

Keeping you in my <3 and prayers

Joy said...

I peek in from time to time, always wishing you well (from a stranger far away), always hoping for the best for you, and never knowing what to say. Your courage and fierce love for your children humbles me, and what you have shared here has helped me to be a better friend to someone in my "real" life. Thank you, for sharing. And know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. :)

Joy said...

(And congratulations! I am very happy for you and your family.)

Jodi Lansink said...

Lots of prayers for a healthy little one!(I voted boy!)

Sarita Boyette said...

Misty, I'm glad you are public again - mainly because my feeble memory forgets I have private blogs to read! Maybe I will be more uplifting to you this way.You know I am thrilled for you and you are in my prayers daily. xoxo

Laski said...

So happy to hear this news. I think of you so often. I have pretty much left the blog world, for now anyway, but I still go back to read the blogs of those that I miss. Love to you.

Holly said...

Praying for you and your little one daily!

I have a good life said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

And, I am glad you are public again, too. I always forget to read private blogs also. I have a hard time reading any blogs lately, but I love to catch up on you and yours.

Love ya and praying for your family.

Lara said...

Totally praying for you, Misty! I'm thrilled to hear this news but understand why it's a hard thing at the same time for you.

Verna said...

I am so Happy For you!

Also am glad you decieded to come back to this blog! I love reading about you and your family.

Prayers for a healthy little one!!!!

Lindsey said...

YAY!!! Blessings to you and your precious family, Misty. I pray for you and your pregnancy. So glad to hear the good news!!!!

Radiant Readhead said...

hey misty, just realized it had been a LONG while since you have posted on here! getting a little worried. Is everything ok? Is that babe a boy or a girl? Miss you!! Want to hear updates:-) HUGS! I even checked out your private blog in case you were hiding...no posts there either!