I'm not a New Years resolution kind of girl. Mainly because I break them all before January 1st is even over. This year I've been reflecting on some changes I'd like to make, though, without the added pressure of calling them resolutions.
My goal this year is to be more present in my life. The last two years of repetitive losses has been extremely hard on me, I really cannot explain it. I've been alive, but not living as well as I would like to. While I have gotten into the swing of day to day life having a dead baby, and failing at pregnancy, I want to be a better mother, I KNOW I need to be a better mother. A better wife. A better friend. I want to invest more into living without worrying if I'll lose out again. I want to be a better me. More fully available to those I love. It's time to re-enter the land of the TRULY living.
I've decided to accept the things about me that make me ME, without worrying if someone else understands. I am OK being apart of the NIELSON family - - the "anti-social family". I love my family. I love our extremely private life. I love life without feeling obligated to make someone else approve. I don't care if I don't fit in. I don't feel pressure to be part of the mold other people want to squish me into. I know who I am, I'm OK with it. I'm good with the few friends I have, I don't feel like I need to get into the rat race and try to be liked by everyone. It's not my style, and it's a waste of time. People that over extend themselves in human relationships are excusing themselves from really truly getting to know someone well, well enough to be a really good friend with them. I'll take my one or two friends over a handful of acquaintances any day. Lesson learned. I ended some friendships last year that needed to be ended. It was a long time coming. I learned to trust more fully in my gut feelings. These relationships we not good fits for me, but got beaten to death over and over again. Too exhausting. Too much drama and emotional baggage. I am glad to be done.
I want to help my family grow in the gospel this year. Which means a more concentrated effort in providing a peaceful environment in my home. It means more patience, more love, more time for teaching. It means watching my mouth and attitude. It means daily prayer and scripture reading. It means (dreaded) church attendance. Those are all things that are essential to the well being of our family. This is our year. Our year to get back into the game. It's time, even if it's something that is hard for me.
So, tell me. Where are you at? What is important to you this year?
Here's to 2011. Here's to having the faith to BELIEVE blessings are coming our way.
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