Avery Quinn
Born 8:05 am, 7/27/11
9 lb 6 oz
We're over the moon.
xoxo Misty
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Avery is coming...
He just doesn't know it yet!
My c-section is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 7:30am. Please keep our family in your prayers as we open this new chapter of our lives together.
Updates to follow as able!
Love, Misty
My c-section is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 7:30am. Please keep our family in your prayers as we open this new chapter of our lives together.
Updates to follow as able!
Love, Misty
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Overwhelmed.
Baby Avery's birth is coming right up - - we finally agreed on a name! I have a c-section at the end of the month, and I feel a little unprepared with all of the feelings that are swirling around. I feel like for the most part I've been a champ. I've taken the worry in stride, done my best to prepare for this little one with joy in my heart, and worked hard to help my family feel optimistic about a wonderful outcome that is coming our way. But truth be told, behind it all, I am scared to death. It's funny when you experience something as traumatic as the death of an infant. Everything stays with you. Not just the memories, but sounds, smells, people's faces..... Every week when I go to the same hospital for my NSTs, I look at those same doors in Labor and Delivery, knowing that the last time Andrew and I held hands walking through them, our lives changed forever, that our hearts would experiences brokenness we had not known before. The smells of the rooms and waiting area and the noises of people hustling around bring me right back. I can see those events play out in my mind like they are happening all over again. I look at those doors, and I want to bolt through them. I want to bolt through them and make someone take my baby out while I KNOW he's alive. I am so tired from waiting. It's been months, years now, we've waited for a new baby in our home. I just want to be done. I want this part over with. I just can't even explain, there are no words really. No words for what happened and what we felt. I've tried my best to describe, I've tried to share pictures, but I just can't even explain what transpired the days before, the day of, and the days after Isaac died. I just want something different now. I want that joy again.
As Avery's birth gets closer, the days seem longer. I'm 3/4 done with all my spring cleaning and baby prep, and I'm just trying to stay busy so that I don't get swept away in the fear. It is really hard though. Just really, really, hard. I am thankful this baby is on the active side. Each time I feel him bumble around, I feel so thankful. I am amazed that I can feel his body through my own. I am amazed that I can press against his body, and he moves and presses back. He knows I am his Mama. Towards the end, those moments were so very few and far in between with our precious Isaac. I try to enjoy those moments with this baby now, instead of being afraid that I'll lose out on them. It's hard though, because now we all know you can lose. It's part of life now.
And now, my dears, I need a fat ass piece of chocolate. These hormones are evil today. Wish me luck.
xoxo Misty
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Getting it together.
I'm exhausted today. I decided a couple of weeks ago that I would start getting ready for this baby. I've sunk my heels in for most of this pregnancy, being drug along for the ride until I've felt secure enough that this dream would come true. Trouble is - I don't quite believe it yet. I day dream about the baby coming, and try to picture it in my head, but that fear still looms. It's my quiet companion every moment of every day.
So. I made a list anyway. There are several items on my list. General baby prep, spring cleaning, things to buy, cleaning the car, installing the car seat - - all of those kinds of things. In my head, spring cleaning and I have a complicated relationship. I don't have a messy house by any means, many people can vouch for that, but it's the nitty gritty cleaning I have rebelled against. I was too sick to spring clean before Isaac came, and he was dieing anyway. Afterwards I was too heart broken to take on the task, grieving all that was lost, and after suffering miscarriage after miscarriage, and now here we are. I made a deal with myself, if I got to the point I would soon deliver a baby - - I'm now nearly 34 weeks - - I promised myself I would spring clean and prepare just like I would with any other baby. I'm forcing myself to keep that promise, but it's really hard. I find myself choking up just writing about it. I'm cleaning out the dust, items we don't need, scrubbing stains off the walls, and the little messes here and there, and it feels like I am doing that same thing with my emotions. Some how I have to get to the point that I will allow myself to move forward with the new baby, with the renewed belief that things can be ok. I sat down in the bathroom and started pulling things off of the shelf, and I started to feel the tears well up in my eyes. I had a box of nursing pads - two years old, that I still had to wear after my dead baby. There they sat, covered in a layer of dust, but I hadn't ever been able to throw those out yet. I find myself having flash backs to those moments soon after Isaac died, sitting in my bathroom, caring for my wounds.... my milk still came in, I still had a 10 inch cut from yet another c section, I still was bleeding like I had a new baby to tend. But I didn't. I had to bury my baby. I combined the left over nursing pads with the new shiny box I just bought and tucked them back on the shelf. A new box. A new start. I have had the same spritz bottle from the hospital from Isaac for 2 years now. That's another silly thing I've held on to. I took care of my wounds with that same bottle after Issac died, and I took care of my wounds with each of the three miscarriages after him. That bottle I decided to keep. Like just in case the hospital does not give me a new one. This bottle is trusty, it's worked through some hard times, so why now?? Some emotional habits die hard, I guess. And then onto the diapers...... I carefully packed the diaper bag today, and set diapers and wipes out in convenient places where I would be tending to the baby after we come home. I held that little diaper in my hands, and ran my fingers across them. Isaac was so tiny. I changed his diaper only one time. His sweet little body was so perfect - - even his little rear. I remembered Andrew and I laughing over each of our children's bottoms. There is something about baby's butts that are so perfect and cute.... I wish I had been able to change hundreds of diapers for him. I cringed as I put the diapers out where I needed them.... I just couldn't bear the thought of not being able to use the diapers again. This time has to be different, right??
Anyways, back to work, I guess. I've been having a lot of days where I'm barfy all day long, with no energy. I've got to make the best of the days I feel good, and take it easy on the days I don't. I think working from home full time, plus being a stay at home mother at the same time has really worn me out. Not to mention to hormones and emotions.....
So. Did you ever feel the same way, preparing for a new baby after losing one?
xoxo Misty
So. I made a list anyway. There are several items on my list. General baby prep, spring cleaning, things to buy, cleaning the car, installing the car seat - - all of those kinds of things. In my head, spring cleaning and I have a complicated relationship. I don't have a messy house by any means, many people can vouch for that, but it's the nitty gritty cleaning I have rebelled against. I was too sick to spring clean before Isaac came, and he was dieing anyway. Afterwards I was too heart broken to take on the task, grieving all that was lost, and after suffering miscarriage after miscarriage, and now here we are. I made a deal with myself, if I got to the point I would soon deliver a baby - - I'm now nearly 34 weeks - - I promised myself I would spring clean and prepare just like I would with any other baby. I'm forcing myself to keep that promise, but it's really hard. I find myself choking up just writing about it. I'm cleaning out the dust, items we don't need, scrubbing stains off the walls, and the little messes here and there, and it feels like I am doing that same thing with my emotions. Some how I have to get to the point that I will allow myself to move forward with the new baby, with the renewed belief that things can be ok. I sat down in the bathroom and started pulling things off of the shelf, and I started to feel the tears well up in my eyes. I had a box of nursing pads - two years old, that I still had to wear after my dead baby. There they sat, covered in a layer of dust, but I hadn't ever been able to throw those out yet. I find myself having flash backs to those moments soon after Isaac died, sitting in my bathroom, caring for my wounds.... my milk still came in, I still had a 10 inch cut from yet another c section, I still was bleeding like I had a new baby to tend. But I didn't. I had to bury my baby. I combined the left over nursing pads with the new shiny box I just bought and tucked them back on the shelf. A new box. A new start. I have had the same spritz bottle from the hospital from Isaac for 2 years now. That's another silly thing I've held on to. I took care of my wounds with that same bottle after Issac died, and I took care of my wounds with each of the three miscarriages after him. That bottle I decided to keep. Like just in case the hospital does not give me a new one. This bottle is trusty, it's worked through some hard times, so why now?? Some emotional habits die hard, I guess. And then onto the diapers...... I carefully packed the diaper bag today, and set diapers and wipes out in convenient places where I would be tending to the baby after we come home. I held that little diaper in my hands, and ran my fingers across them. Isaac was so tiny. I changed his diaper only one time. His sweet little body was so perfect - - even his little rear. I remembered Andrew and I laughing over each of our children's bottoms. There is something about baby's butts that are so perfect and cute.... I wish I had been able to change hundreds of diapers for him. I cringed as I put the diapers out where I needed them.... I just couldn't bear the thought of not being able to use the diapers again. This time has to be different, right??
Anyways, back to work, I guess. I've been having a lot of days where I'm barfy all day long, with no energy. I've got to make the best of the days I feel good, and take it easy on the days I don't. I think working from home full time, plus being a stay at home mother at the same time has really worn me out. Not to mention to hormones and emotions.....
So. Did you ever feel the same way, preparing for a new baby after losing one?
xoxo Misty
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
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