100 too many.

I really wanted to be outside tonight sawing through some lumber for my latest and greatest project, but alas, the wind is blowing too harshly and Andrew is worried I'll cut a finger off due to poor lighting. So. I made up this page. Did you know you can make pages now, in blogger. Nice, right? People have been making pages for a long time, I'm just slow.

My plan B was working on this list. Eeegads. I know. And you really don't have to read it. But, just in case you are bored like me, here ya go:

1. I miss my sweet Isaac boy every.single.day of my life. I think of him often. More than often actually. 2. I was born in 1981. I finally made it to my 30's. 3. I was married in 1998 4 months before I turned 18. Can you believe it? Still going strong. 4. My children are the loves of my life, second only to Andrew, and God, of course. 5. Speaking of God. I'm still trying to figure out my relationship with him. And Jesus. 6. I was adopted, and I wish nothing more to forget my adoptive parents. Why? They are sad examples of humanity. 7. My biological father is dead. My mother is alive and crazy somewhere in the USA. 8. I still wish every day I had a Mama and Dad to look after me, and love me. 9. Having parents not care about me screwed me up forever. That, and being molested, beaten, and emotionally abused. 10. In despite of numbers 6, 7, 8, and 9, I am actually a fairly HAPPY human being. No joke. 11. I'm Mormon. I belong to The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints. 12. I'm not sure that I am a very good Mormon. 13. I sure hope there was a reason good enough for Isaac to die. 14. I have been trying to get fit and lose weight for the last 10 years. Maybe this is the year? 15. I don't do friendship very well, but I sure do try. 16. I love gardening and roses and mowing and the feeling of the sun on my face while I do it. 17. I could have a love affair with mashed potatoes. And homemade macaroni and cheese. And meat. 18. Speaking of meat, I think I was meant to be a carnivore. But I'm human. Really. 19. I love to sing loud and dance wildly. Not in front of anyone anymore. Just the kids. And occasionally Andrew. 20. I love earth tone colors. 21. I love homemaking. 22. I love cooking. I'm good at it. 23. I hate cleaning up AFTER cooking. 24. I rarely have enough energy to ENJOY cooking anymore. 25. I like the room to be very cold when I sleep at night. 26. I am a night owl. I hate getting up in the morning. 27. I thank God every single day for Avery. 28. I check on Avery several times a night to make sure he is not dead. 29. I still cannot believe Avery came to us. After Isaac dieing and 3 miscarriages. Amazing. 30. I wish I were more calm. And nice. Definitely more nice. 31. I REALLY like the huge water slides at the pool. They make me scream. The kids think it's really funny. 32. I worry every day I am screwing up my kids. I hope I haven't, not too badly anyway. 33. I don't trust people easily. I wish I did, but I don't. 34. I love bare feet. 35. I hate shoes. 36. I love pedicures. Oh. And getting my hair done. 37. I love to go to the movies. Especially for the popcorn. One of my most favorite foods EVER. 38. I love getting mail. Cards. Or packages. I wish I got more. 39. I love talking on the phone. I don't even have to leave the house to do that. 40. My husband is my best friend. 41. Speaking of my husband, sometimes I wonder how I scored such an AMAZING human being as my partner in life. 42. I hate it when my kids get picked on at school. It makes me want to kick some ASS. 43. I have a horrible potty mouth. I need to stop talking like shit. Ha. 44. I love email and facebook and texting. 45. I love blogging, I just don't get around to it much. 46. I love strawberries. 47. I love getting love notes, and writing them. 48. I say sorry a lot, I think that's really important. 49. I fear that another one of my children will die. Everyday I worry about that. 50. I still feel jealous when another woman gives birth to a healthy baby. Why not Isaac. Why not??? 51. I'm not book smart. 52. I'm actually pretty funny. 53. I'm honest. Sometimes too much so. 54. I'm bold and brave. I don't take shit. 55. If someone were to get in between me and my family, I'd flatten them. Wouldn't you? 56. I love yoga pants. 57. I like my eyes. 58. I hate to read. But I do enjoy writing. 59. I love to play in the snow, and outside. 60. I love the water. 61. I love to laugh. So hard I pee my pants. 62. I love shopping. I love shopping for my kids. 63. I love Christmas. 64. I love shopping to find the perfect gift for someone, and then wrapping it up really pretty. 65. I love purses. 66. I love organization and labeling things. 67. I hate being late, in fact, I'd rather be early. 68. The only late thing I like, is my period, when I really want to be pregnant. 70. I would love to live on a farm. 71. I'm good at singing. But I don't sing outside my house much anymore. 72. I love snuggling. 73. I love watching snow fall. And I love the rain. The sound and the smell. And thunder. 75. I miss living on the ocean. 76. I love to feel needed and valued. I value that in friendship. 78. I like making plans and schedules. I am a control freak. Bad habit I tell you. 79. I love the sound of my kids playing and the sound of my children's laughter. 80. I love for people to hang out at my house, and to feel welcome. 81. I love girls night out. And date night. I do both of those often. 82. I like kicking it around the house. Especially with Andrew. 83. I hate the school year and homework. I miss my kids when they are gone. 84. I LOVE summer vacation. I love the freedom of late nights and sleeping in. Wait, I have a baby now. 85. I love baby food jars. 86. I hated that I could not shop for Isaac, I REALLY love that I can shop for Avery. 87. I like soft light. Bright light gives me headaches. 88. I LOVE fire. I love my fire pit. 89. I love my grill. I love cooking out. 90. I love our family cabin in the woods. I love getting away, but not having to go far. 91. I love to feel safe and loved. 92. I love cuddling with my kids, even my big ones, if they let me. 93. I worry every day if I did good enough. 94. I bake my own bread. I love hot bread and also the smell of bread baking. 95. Part of me likes to be a kid with my own children. It's kinda like I get a do over. 96. I love boxes and bins. 97. I like my house to be tidy. 98. I hate to do laundry. 99. Lima beans make me gag. 100. Good hell. I'm glad I can stop writing this list now!