Tuesday afternoon I went to Hannah's school for a 2nd grade musical program, with Olivia in tow. I took this picture of the two of them. I was disappointed to see that picture came out blurry, but it's darling. To me any way.
The puppy. We still have him. And I know some of you must be thinking I'm going to bite myself in the butt with this one. We've discussed puppies with the children. I know they, of course, want one of their own, but there is just no way. No way at all. We already have 1 indoor cat, 2 outdoor cats, and 1 dog. No.More.Pets.Period. Tempting as it is.... puppies AND kittens grow up to be their full grown counter parts. I certainly don't want another full grown animal.
But, because it's fun to show off this little wonder, here's a clip of Hannah and the ball of sweetness. At least he was a ball of sweetness until the CRAPED on my kitchen floor yesterday morning.
Want to know one of my greatest pet peeves when in comes to my journey of healing? My GREATEST pet peeve is when, in ignorance, some one tells me to "get over" the abuse, abandonment, and molestation of my childhood. I also think it is exceptionally funny when individuals think it's possible for me to NEVER again , feel sorrow or anger, over past circumstances.
I have no idea where I am going with this. But, really. I REFUSE to get over, forget, brush under the rug circumstances that lead me to where I am today. I don't intend to "forget" much of what my childhood was. I REMEMBER as a REMINDER of who I want to be NOW. Who I want to be as a woman, as a wife, as a mother. REMEMBERING ensures I am doing the very best that I can to be whole and healed.
Refusing to forget, is different then refusing to move forward. I don't use my life as an excuse to be less then who I know I can be. I don't use it as a "get-out-of-jail-free-card". I use it as a tool to become my best self. Some days I feel sorrow, some days I feel anger and many, MANY days I feel nothing at all. Neutral-ness, with the underlying frustration that I feel like "getting it right" some days, it all together too hard. Too hard, but REALLY worth it. I think it's my right to chose what my path should be. It's my right to chose what to remember and what to forget. It's my right to chose what to get over, and my right to chose what to let live on. What I chose is happiness, safely, power, strength, love, courage, and intelligence. I chose to have the smarts to get myself to where I need to be. Alone, if I have to.
14 comments:
♡ Even though it's blury it's still dang cute!
Cute Cute Cute...
Seriously?? The dog-I WANT TO CUDDLE HIM!!! Gahhh. I love his little hairless belly!!!
No, you should NOT forget. I don't see you using your past as a 'get out of jail (i.e. life) free card' when I read your blog; I don't see how anyone could think that. You HAVE EVERY RIGHT to scream it as loud as you want; you didn't have the voice when you were young, so who the hell can tell you to hush NOW??? That kind of stuff gets me pissed off in like 2 seconds!!! Jeez.
I feel sorrow AND anger over past experiences. That is just LIFE.
You can use that picture to remind them when they are teenagers that they really do love each other, lol. And the dog is too cute, thank goodness for babysitting, that way you get to play without all the responsibility, :). And of course your path is your path and because you are willing to walk the path you will have peace and joy. Very few will ever come close to understanding what that can be like, but the trip is sooo worth it. To change and not repeat the horrible mistakes that make up our past is a huge achievement. And all I have to do is look at your sweet family and know that you are doing a fabulous job and you are truly an amazing woman who should be so proud of all you've accomplished. And I'm with you, remembering is how I know what not to do. I miss you tons!
Whew. Did you do that on purpose? Throw your sweet girls and a LIVE PUPPY in there to get me all wanting more kids and more puppies?
You've chosen to hold on to the horrid memories to keep you MOVING FORWARD. But the key is, that YOU have CHOSEN. Who has the right to tell you how to handle your stories? Your pains? Your successes? Just keep doing what you're doing Misty...however YOU need to.
XOXOXO
Even blurry, it's still a cute picture :)
And the puppy.....oh he's a cutie!
When I would start down a depression, my dad would tell me to "just go take a prozac and you'll feel better after a nap." I kept trying to explain that it wasn't Sudafed, it didn't work that way. Unless someone has walked a MARATHON in your shoes, they cannot understand. Hold your ground, keep true to yourself. And cuddle those blurry little kids (and their brother). You're amazing, Misty. You're amazing.
I want a dog so bad. But we just can't right now (no pets landlord). I always have to stop when I see the box of puppies people are selling/giving away at walmart.
While I was reading, before I got to your last paragraph, I thought to myself moving on is way different than getting over. And then I thought that you are a great example of moving on without forgetting the effects of your experiences. You are just so wise. :)
Cute pictures, although we all know I'm not a dog fan!
Hi, I'm Lindsey and I have a confession to make....your kids are the cutest. Seriously.
You are absolutely right with everything you wrote - its your journey, and you are doing it with love, encouragement, passion and understanding - and of course yes saddness, bitterness and anger sometimes. I completely applaud everything you say and do because if we all choose to forget and "get on with it" then the horrible things that happen to people will continue to be ok - I hope you know what I mean by that, ok for someone to abuse a child, ok for a husband to abuse a wife - its not ok and it needs to be told, so that we dont all walk around pretending we are living these perfect lives when in fact someones husband is beating the shit out of them, but when the day dawns the perfectness begins again but with the hope that the darkness does not start up again when the sun goes down.
Your amazing and you inspire me - always!!!
Have a great weekend my friend - luv Mandi....xxx
You can't "get over it." You can't go around it. You can't go under it. You have to go through it. It's painful. It takes a long time.
I won't tell you what I want to tell people who say that to you. You keep up what you are doing. You are doing fine.
:)
Psst. I tagged you over on my blog! Like you've got nothing else to do. :)
What an adorable picture and video. I have a theory about forgetting things. When people choose to forget things, history is bound to repeat itself. Never forget. I think sometimes people confuse forgiving with forgetting. I can forgive people of lots of things but that doesn't mean I have to forget what they did, and in fact as long as I remember, they can't do it to me again. Not sure if this made any sense or not, but it did to me. :-)
Oh Misty you are so right,I agree with everything you said,it is your journey and only you can travel that road,you never ever forget what has happened in the past,it is how and when you choose to deal with it that matters.For some it can take many years before it comes back to the surface and then again it is their choice as to how they deal with it!I think you are an amazing young woman and you know you have the love of your young family to help you on your journey. It is fantastic that you are allowing us to share it with you and hopefully support you on that journey,there will be times when you need to be on your own,but please be assured that there are many of us here in blogland that love and care about you even though we have never met.You are a truly amazing woman and I thank you for sharing your life with us.It has taken me 34 years and only now am I starting to open up and let others into my life,so no you don't forget ever!!
Love and (((hugs)))from Kathyann and the girls
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