BullsEYE

Here we are at the last day of school, and I am so thrilled to have my babes home for the summer. We can all let our hair down and enjoy days with little scheduling and loads of fun.

At each year end for Hannah, and now for Ian, I've always felt sad on this day. I cry went they dance at their dance party for the parents, and I cry when the kids cry because they'll miss their buds from school.

I hated the last day of school. Truly hated it. Mainly because I knew I was going to cooped up for days in my bedroom. My bedroom had pink flowered wallpaper and pink tie-back curtains in it. I shared with my sister. My brother had his own room. If I recall correctly, it was blue. We weren't allowed to play outside. We couldn't talk on the phone or watch tv. We didn't have toys. No radio. All we got was a weekly trip to the library, which has now created in me a hate for reading. I read a novel a day, some times more. We also went to church every Sunday, imagine that. My parents were the church type. I hated the feeling of being home with my parents. We stayed out of their way, which was easy because we were not allowed out of our rooms. We just tried to stay quiet, stay unnoticed. The alternative wasn't pretty. I hated being around my mother, the cold hardened woman she was, and still is. It was an indescribable prison. I was so thrilled when my parents decided to ship us off for the summers at Camp Fair Haven in Maine. I didn't miss them at all. Not even a little. None, nada, zip. I loved being a way from them. For those three months I was able to grow into myself. I was able to discover myself, with out darkness looming just behind me.

For years I hated what summers meant for us. Truly hated it.

And although I know my children love being home for the summer, my heart aches when their's does. I know what it's like to miss friends. And although I know they'll be happy the second we get home, I still feel like that little girl myself, feeling like I'm going to be missing the better part of my life for the next three months.

For the sake of snapping myself back to reality, I have a dance party to attend, pictures to take, ice cream to dish out. Today is about the kids, not my inner one, and we plan to have a blast. All of us do. The adult me, the child me, and my 3 beautiful children. Today, things are going to be ok.