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Saturday, December 6, 2008

And we're back.


It's a funny thing to watch your kids grow. One day you wake up and realize they don't quite need you the same way any more. A big piece of my heart aches over that. Then again, I write this as my youngest, whom thinks she is an extension of my own personage, yells she needs me to snuggle her. Right now. Think I can squeak in 5 more minutes of writing?? We'll push the envelope tonight, seeming I haven't blogged in WEEKS.

Here were are staring Christmas in the face, and I feel like my list of things to do gets longer, and longer, and longer every day. At least it's the fun stuff, right? Ginger Bread houses, baking cookies, buying perfect gifts for who you love and who loves you, wrapping, watching Christmas movies, visiting Santa.

And, of course, I still work. Which is kind of a joke between my husband and I. I need to do some serious re-arranging of my days - - because let me tell you something - - something ALWAYS gets in the way. Yet, I still have my job, no one has fired me yet (knock on wood), and I'll keep the same contracted until my baby comes. I'll drop to 20 hours a week instead of 30.

The baby. My 4th - - count 'em - - baby. I'm wondering if my sanity left me years ago.... or maybe it finally did when I peered down at this last positive pregnancy test. And what a pregnancy this has been. I'm too old and fat to do this again. That's my thinking. And yet here we are at 17 weeks along. Feeling more hopeful. This baby. Oh this baby. Get a heart beat, get NO heart beat, get a heart beat, can't FIND the heart beat. It's about time this little one started to cooperate. NOW, with my latest OB check up, I can finally start to invest a little joy in thinking of this little bundle to come. Some how, there is still something, wonderful, selfless, and sacred, surrendering my body to what is great tbove, letting Him create this miracle within.

I truly hope you have a wonderful, joyous, magical Christmas, filled with little ones, and so much love. This is the very best time of year to re-write my own childhood, while making my own children's dreams come true. 'Tis a sweet thing, my friends.

Speaking of which. I now an on snuggling duty. You wish you were me, I can feel it.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Here you have her.


Meet Mandy. She is a long time BFF, from grade school, middle school, high school, adult school. Like how I threw that last one in?

She trumps all. She's first, and here is her beautiful post.

And, by the way, she is the BEST photographer I know. Check her blog out: http://labellavitablog.com/ . Do it now.

And now, my dears, here is what she had to say!

{a.not.so.short.essay}

By: Amanda Burse

“There is a garden in every childhood…” {Elizabeth.Lawrence}

Let me preface this essay by saying that I have no sad tales of my childhood. There were sad things that happened, as I am sure they happen to all children, but I have no stories of woe to embrace, overcome, or muddle through. By all accounts my youth was semi-charmed, with divorced yet loving parents, doting grandparents, and many friends. So, I am sure at this point you are asking why I bother write an essay on childhood if nothing dramatic occurred for me to persevere though. Well…for one, I like to hear myself talk, and two, I think that there really is a shortage of happy childhood stories these days, so I am adding my two cents to hopefully leave you with a warmness in your heart.

My name is Amanda. I am 28 years old. Before I was old, I was young. 28 is old. Ask any 5 year old, and they will tell you. I grew up in a little town called Thomaston in a little state called Maine. My neighborhood was a place filled with kids my own age, or around my own age, and all the houses looked the same, and now that I look back on it as a mother of two girls, I am pretty sure it was perfection. My skin drenched with warm sun, my cheeks rosy from the fresh sea-salt air, and the tan line from my sandals…I would spend every day outside until the sun disappeared under the ocean, and the sky went black with night. Daily adventures spent in rustically built forts behind the subdivision were only to be interrupted by snack, lunch, another snack, and dinner. Like I said, it was perfect.

My father, a simple, quiet, just all around good man, was a supervisor in a local fish plant before it was shut down in the early 1990’s. He left every morning at 4:30 am. My grandmother, a rotund and well dressed, probably crazy woman, who lived in the next town over, would get in her car every early morning to come and take care of me. She would sit out in the yard with her ridiculously fancy sun hats and read a book, or knit, or do the crossword in the Bangor Daily, or just contently watch and grin as I played with my friends. Afternoons were always for swimming lessons at Sandy Shores, a nearby lake that is now not swimmable because of profuse pollution. After an hour long of intense swimming with a kickboard, and learning to master the basics of holding my breath underwater, we would get ice cream, or go back to her assisted living community and gossip with the other older ladies in the lobby about the ladies who weren’t there at the time. I knew how to bake biscuits by the time I was 6, and any type of berry pie by the time I was 6 ¾ years old. I was spoiled with attention and fresh air. My dad would pick me up at 4:30pm and we would go home to our little ranch style house, to our menagerie of animals (a dog, 2 cats, and a bunny named Cottontail, who by the way, lived until I graduated from high school), and to our little, happy life.

My mother wasn’t around, but that’s not sad…it just is.

I was in the 3rd grade when I met Misty. I am pretty sure I was a snob then…actually, I am quite sure of it. Locked in the isolation of a coastal town, blanketed by unending attention will do that to a 9 year old, only child who was bound to be a snob anyway. Pre – adolescence being what it is, I am sure that didn’t help matters either. When I met Misty on the play ground out at recess, I was pretty sure she was trouble from the start. She was practically from a different planet (or just out of state). Only she can recount it better than I can, but like I said, I wasn’t nice, and I went on my merry little way until we met again the following year in Mr. Beckett’s 4th grade classroom at Thomaston Grammar School (a newer, bigger, more horrifying place that our Laura Libby Elementary had been).

Mr. Beckett was a man…a historian, unmarried, still picked up his lunch from his mother on the way to school every morning, and was dreadfully boring. Although I don’t think I was a big fan of his at the time, I can now see that he was patient, understanding, and outnumbered by several head strong 10 and 11 year old girls and one kid (boy) named Jamie Schurman. He really didn’t have a chance, poor guy. And this is when I really met Misty. Any of you who know her, know her life, and to me it just sounded unreal. To a girl who had never been out of the state of Maine, she was extraordinary really; a world traveler (although not by choice), and by all accounts, a survivor. The most I had ever had to endure was a not-so-amicable divorce with two loving, yet confused parents in their late 20’s, and a really bad case of the measles. Even then, I couldn’t help feeling that she was a bit of a super girl (now woman). Misty wanted to be a mother when she grew up. I don’t remember her ever wanting anything ever as much as that, and to this day, I can remember her saying it to me out at recess later on that year. I wanted to be a writer, a teacher, a doctor, and I still believed in Santa Claus. We truly were from two opposite ends of the spectrum, and even though we would have our times of pre-teen drama, I always felt that there was a tender, genuine connection between the two of us.

That was 18 years ago. Misty would move away, and then flow back into my life; a tide moving up and down the rough sand. She went to Texas, moved back, stayed a while, and then left again. Her absences have never left me empty, because true friends never leave your heart. All I could remember was her talking about her dreams under a desk in Mr. Beckett’s 4th grade, and I knew where ever she landed, she was moving mountains to achieve them. Misty is the only friend I have kept in touch with since I left my little, sheltered, coastal town existence. 18 years is a life time for two little girls who came together unexpectedly (but not by mistake, I am quite sure of it), who have grown up together, shared heart brakes, tears, dreams (about life, goals, and boys *sigh*) tragedies, secrets, and even some words of anger at times….who have shared countless hours laughing (mostly at ourselves), who became wives, and then mothers. What’s next, I wonder…

18 years is a long time to be friends…just a beginning really.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Guest bloggers - heads UP!

Here's the deal.

Email me at abnmln@gmail.com if you are interested in being my guest blogger. Come one, come all.

Mandy - you're first. Mainly because being childhood friends trumps all. And we were pretty freakin awesome back in the day, if I can say so myself. **snicker, snicker**

Here are the rules:

1. I want a picture of you to display with your post.

2. Stick to the theme. Which is one of these two: A. I want something inspirational. I want to know something you've overcome and how it's changed you. Make me cry. Make us all cry. I want to know more about how you became the amazing person you are today. Or. B. I want you to participate in a random act of kindness for someone anonymously. Bake cookies, make a treat, buy some bath salts - - what ever you think. And I want photo proof. Photo proof, and ding-dong ditch, should you choose to play, is a GREAT game.

Let me know if you're playing along. Shoot me an email, and we'll work out the details.

And should you choose to tell every one how much you love me in the process, that would be fine, too.

Just a thought.

Monday, October 13, 2008

We're BOTH alive.


Friends. Especially ones I know out of blog land. I've barely been functioning. We're had a scare here in pregnancy valley. I've been experiencing some bleeding... coming and going... off and on....Wasn't quite sure what was up with my growing babe. But. Good news. The babe is alive, healthy, and formed just right.

I'm officially coming back to the land of the living, now that I can cope with my life. Uncertainty? Not my friend.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

It's her fault.

I fully plan on using my pregnancy as my "get out of jail totally free" card.

I would also like to put it out there that I am having daily..... some times hourly... meltdowns. And, it's the baby's fault. I'm sticking to that story.

And.

I talked to a friend tonight.

She talked me out of quitting. She's kinda sweet like that. And it is my duty to keep her identity top secret. I'm cool like that. I keep secrets. Mwwwaaaaahhhhhhhhahahahah.

And.

Another thing.

I cleaned up Olivia's barf today. I smelled it, touched it, cleaned it up. I did all of that, even being in this condition.

And if that isn't enough to make you feel bad for me and keep reading my blog, I'm out of ideas.

Because the more I think about it, this may be a bumpy ride.

Feel free to roll yours eyes now...... I can feel it happening......

Monday, September 22, 2008

Tea time?


Remember this?

Awesome Mom won it. Send me your mailing address, and I'll do my best to get it sent to you in a timely fashion. Which might make some people laugh, because, really - I suck at getting to the post office. Ask my brother. He and his lovely other half are still awaiting their birthday box. Which was meant for March and May. Sad. I know. But. I'll do better, promise.

So.

I'm still sick. Still barfy. But liking this skittles I'm eating right now.

And liking that my scale shows a loss, and not a gain. Not intentional. I swear.

I also bought myself the bestest black draw-string pants in the world, and I'm not taking them off, except to wash. They are mine, ALL mine. Doubt you want 'em anyway.

Anyways. Back to my motherly duties. We're right in the middle of home work, and since I totally blew off all my responsibilities today, I'll go now and get to work, while I still have time to redeem myself.

I wanna know how you are..... it's been a while..... Spill it.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Protect Our Children!

It's time to get on the wagon, ladies and gents - - GO HERE!

Can't say I have time to sit and watch Oprah often, but since I'm sick and pregnant, I did today, because this one caught my eye.

As a victim of sexual abuse, I cannot express how important Senate Bill 1738 is. This bill will provide the funding for the correct officials to go after the millions of sexual predators that allude us.

My abuser, I knew. Most likely, your child would, too. Help keep your children safe and help push this through.

Teach your children about "stranger danger" but don't forget almost all of these "strangers" are family members, teachers, coaches, and family friends. Teach your children about "good touch, bad touch". Be involved, be aware, and be on top of what is going on in your child's life. I can't be reminded enough.

Take the time, get involved. I just did.