Saturday, December 6, 2008

And we're back.

It's a funny thing to watch your kids grow. One day you wake up and realize they don't quite need you the same way any more. A big piece of my heart aches over that. Then again, I write this as my youngest, whom thinks she is an extension of my own personage, yells she needs me to snuggle her. Right now. Think I can squeak in 5 more minutes of writing?? We'll push the envelope tonight, seeming I haven't blogged in WEEKS.

Here were are staring Christmas in the face, and I feel like my list of things to do gets longer, and longer, and longer every day. At least it's the fun stuff, right? Ginger Bread houses, baking cookies, buying perfect gifts for who you love and who loves you, wrapping, watching Christmas movies, visiting Santa.

And, of course, I still work. Which is kind of a joke between my husband and I. I need to do some serious re-arranging of my days - - because let me tell you something - - something ALWAYS gets in the way. Yet, I still have my job, no one has fired me yet (knock on wood), and I'll keep the same contracted until my baby comes. I'll drop to 20 hours a week instead of 30.

The baby. My 4th - - count 'em - - baby. I'm wondering if my sanity left me years ago.... or maybe it finally did when I peered down at this last positive pregnancy test. And what a pregnancy this has been. I'm too old and fat to do this again. That's my thinking. And yet here we are at 17 weeks along. Feeling more hopeful. This baby. Oh this baby. Get a heart beat, get NO heart beat, get a heart beat, can't FIND the heart beat. It's about time this little one started to cooperate. NOW, with my latest OB check up, I can finally start to invest a little joy in thinking of this little bundle to come. Some how, there is still something, wonderful, selfless, and sacred, surrendering my body to what is great tbove, letting Him create this miracle within.

I truly hope you have a wonderful, joyous, magical Christmas, filled with little ones, and so much love. This is the very best time of year to re-write my own childhood, while making my own children's dreams come true. 'Tis a sweet thing, my friends.

Speaking of which. I now an on snuggling duty. You wish you were me, I can feel it.